How to Make Your Husband Fall In Love You Again
I often hear this heartbreaking question from women: “My husband says he’s not in love with me anymore. Should I just give up and move on?”
Who wouldn’t feel unloved and hopeless hearing those words? What a lousy thing to experience.
But it doesn’t mean your man will continue to feel that way. You have a lot of influence over whether he loves you, and you can regain his affection–no matter what he says.
I don’t mean you should try harder or make his dinner or do his laundry. Quite the opposite.
This isn’t about what you do in bed either.
It’s about using your power to create more love between the two of you.
To get you started and show you what I mean, I made a simple but powerful quiz that will give you incredibly clear insight about your relationship.
And with the self-awareness you’ll gain from this quiz, you can take effective action that will make your husband fall for you again–hard!
It worked for me, and it’s worked for thousands of women all over the world in 18 languages and 29 countries.
It will work for you too.
Here’s how to make your husband love you again.
Contents
1. First, Check Your Blind Spot
To find out what’s in your blind spot, write down the first thing that comes to mind in response to these questions. Be sure to answer all the questions before you scroll down.
Imagine Yourself with Your Man One Year from Now
1) Setting the scene, where are the two of you?
2) What kind of interaction are you having?
3) How is the atmosphere between you?
4) Is there a physical connection between you?
5) Is there a conflict? If so, how do you handle that?
Before you scroll down, I want you to know that this little quiz can give you deep insights that lead to major improvements in your love life. So I invite you to answer each question in writing or out loud before you continue.
2. What Your Answers Say About You and Your Relationship
This quiz reveals what you’re imagining your relationship will be like in a year, which means that it’s the relationship you are currently creating in your mind.
Thinking about your answers, is the scene you imagined befitting of a romantic comedy? Or is it more like a tragic movie?
In other words, did you imagine the relationship you want to have–the one you dream of?
Or did you imagine the relationship you’re afraid you will have?
It bears repeating: This quiz gives you a glimpse into what you are focused on and actually forming for your future.
If you imagined the two of you in a hot tub sipping wine and smooching, arguing about who’s more ticklish, that’s what you’re creating.
If you imagined something painful or heartbreaking in your future, that’s what you’re focused on. That’s what you’re creating.
If it was some romance and some tragedy, that’s what you’re creating.
That’s what’s in your blind spot.
Kinda makes you want to go back and redo your answers, doesn’t it?
You know, I like how you think! That’s a GREAT idea.
You’re always writing your movie. You’re the director. So why not make it the way you want it to be?
3. You Can Take the Quiz Again
When I first caught a glimpse of what I was imagining and realized it wasn’t what I wanted, I decided to focus on what I wanted instead.
If your answers from round 1 reflect what you want already, then congratulations! You can elaborate some more, but you’re already using your imagination wisely. Well done!
If your answers are not what you want to experience, why not give your future a second chance?
This time, instead of writing down the first thing that comes to mind, imagine the experience you want to have a year from now in your relationship.
How would you like this movie to play out?
Even if you have mountains of evidence that insurmountable problems plague your love life, consider focusing on the experience you want to have.
1) Setting the scene, where are the two of you?
2) What kind of interaction are you having?
3) How is the atmosphere between you?
4) Is there a physical connection between you?
5) Is there a conflict? If so, how do you negotiate that?
Now doesn’t that vision of your future feel good to think about?
It did to me too.
4. Choose Your Focus This Time
If you’re wondering what the use of doing this exercise is, since your husband doesn’t seem to love you anymore, you might take inspiration from Amelia, whose husband is a politician.
Her quiz revealed that she pictured her husband shaking hands and conversing with others while she was neglected at home or left to fend for herself at a social event.
In Amelia’s first response, the two of them weren’t interacting at all, and the atmosphere between them felt oppressive and tense, with no physical connection.
She was starved for her husband’s love and attention, but in her mind when they parted ways, he barely acknowledged her in his rush to get to the next event.
Obviously it was not the relationship she wanted–just the one she had fallen into thinking about because of previous hurts.
Then Amelia discovered she had a choice to focus on something else. She decided to imagine herself feeling honored as a wife, even though she could barely picture that.
Shortly after she started to focus on being honored as a wife, mostly just saying the words to herself, she attended an event where her husband gave a speech. During the speech, he acknowledged and thanked his wonderful, patient wife Amelia for all her sacrifice and love. He told everyone how very special she was.
He had never done that before in 20 years of marriage.
She could hardly believe her ears, even when the audience clapped and turned to her, smiling. Some people came up to her afterwards, repeating her name and expressing their gratitude for her also.
To say she felt honored is an understatement.
She was so blown away she was speechless.
“Imagination Is More Important than Knowledge”
— Albert Einstein
On a Surrendered Wife Empowered Woman Q&A call, one woman asked me where the line is between focusing on what she wanted more of and having a psychotic break from reality.
“If I’m affirming how loving my husband is to me and I know that’s not true, isn’t that just…lying to myself?” she asked.
When a child imagines herself becoming an astronaut, we don’t think of it as her lying to herself. We call that dreaming big.
Einstein’s famous words “Imagination is more important than knowledge” match my experience of the power of our imagination in relationships, even if you’re all grown up.
52 replies on “How to Make Your Husband Fall In Love You Again”
My husband and I have been separated for 2 months due to his continued infidelity, manipulation, anger and gaslighting. No matter what I tried to do to fix everything including reading your book and taking the suggestions, nothing worked. I moved out of our home. He begged me to come home but I refused until he started showing me action that he would never lie and cheat on me again. I gave him the chance and he didn’t take it. Instead he chose another woman over me. Other then healing myself and moving on I don’t know what else to do.
Jessica, that sounds so heartbreaking. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through that. I remember the days when I had tried everything and felt there was nothing else I could do but leave or stay stuck. It was painful to feel so powerless and hopeless.
It sounds like you would love for him to choose you and show he has changed. I want that for you too.
As the wife, you have enormous power to save your relationship and turn things around, in my experience. Get the community, coaching and tools so you can attract your man back and have the secure marriage you deserve!
Laura, What do you do when you have a sickness that disregulates your emotions. I have C-PTSD on top of other illnesses that seriously debilitate me. I have only been married for 4 years. In that time I have used all my savings of €60,000 to support him and his children because he has been out of work. Whilst I’ve been taking care of his children I’ve had to deal with his viewing soft porn, looking up old girlfriends, going to his Mums to eat meals while I’m at home with no food in the house, leaving me in the house sick and visiting his Dad in the South for holidays. He doesnt provide for me emotionally, physically or financially and I feel so unloved and uncared for. He is completely shut down to me. He now has a job and spend every moment he possibly can there, I literally never see him. Over the years I have said and done all the things you mention, criticism, shouting, controlling etc. Is there any way this can be turned around or am I better to just walk away. I love my husband but i do not like him at all.
I would really appreciate your response. Thank you
Deb, it sounds so hard to deal with these debilitating illnesses, including your emotions being deregulated, all while having to support the whole family. I’m sad to hear what you’re going through. You shouldn’t have to feel so unloved and uncared for, especially only a few years into your marriage. Kudos to you for being so committed and reaching out for support. I have seen such situations turn around again and again with the right support, so I know there is hope for you. Get a coach so you can stop feeling unsupported and unloved, and start feeling desired, taken care of and special!
https://lauradoyle.org/rhw-waitlist/
Dear Laura
my marriage is one year now and me and my husband are same age bracket living in different country cos of work,he comes to see me and spend 2months…the problem am having with my husband is that he love chatting and allowing other girls take his attention,and he doesn’t let them know he is married,this made me to turn to a nag that I always counter any of his words to me,cos I feel since he isn’t proud to let his female friends know am his wife,there is no need of respecting him,this have caused a serious issues between us that our both families has come to settle us,please I really want to learn how to forgive him and bring back the respect I have for him,cos am hurting cos he cheated on me twice ..sorry for the long message please help save my young marriage…I still love my husband
Laura this is one of the most helpful writings I have had the pleasure of reading.
Thank you !
Iam facing a devastated life. My husband and myself are living in 2 seperate countries. The love has been disappeared over the period of time. He doesnt call or talk much.
I am just fed up. I need ur help
My husband and I have been married 2yrs and he tells me this is the worst 2yrs of his life. That he has more headaches than ever before. That he is not physically or mentally attracted to me. The last we were intimate was 7 months ago. Last night he gave me until June to make things better or move out. I just don’t know how I can make things better if he has already checked out. At a loss.
Laura,
I’ve been reading everyone’s comments. I recently had found out my husband went to dinner with a lady while on a business trip and kissed her. This happened after our 13 year anniversary in November. I was devastated and heart broken beyond words! I also found out that he was also talking to another lady in December on his Linkd In account until 5 weeks ago,
that was divorced with 3 kids in another state where he did business. We have 2 kids and he can barely deal with them. I feel lost, hurt, mad at the betrayal. I trusted him 110% and now that trust is vanished. He says he doesn’t love me because I did bad with our finances, I was sick and not fun anymore. Although, I am feeling much better these days! I just want his love back and trust. We have been closer the last month and our sex life returned back to amazing. What can I do further to bring him back, make him love me again and earn trust? He says “trust isn’t what he is working on, it’s if he can love me again”. He went way left and I need to pull him back in. We are currently in couples therapy. Our counselor told him I wasn’t going to change, but he doesn’t even know me and I can make changes! love him so much!
RR, That is heartbreaking to hear about the loss of trust, and feeling like you have to make him love you again. That’s so scary. I’m ready to punch your marriage counselor in the nose! You can fix this marriage and my best recommendation for you is to get either the audiobook “First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors” or the paperback/kindle “The Empowered Wife.” It’s the same book, just different titles. I think it will give you a jolt of hope, which it sounds like you could really use. I admire you for having the courage to fight for your marriage! It’s so important to your family, your community and the world.
My husband of 35 years has distanced himself from me in stages. In 2015 he left for 14 months. He came back and things were good until June of 2017. He said he gave up sex and touching. Then he slept in a separate bed because he thought if we slept together We would have sex and he didn’t want too. Then on New Years day he told me he no longer loves me and never will!!!! I read Lauras books,listened to webinars, joined the support group. Use the skills,I have just begun but my husband told me he doesnt feel loved. He has never opened up. It was painful but honest. Once you start to learn to stay on your own page, it’s amazing what can happen. I have a long way to go,and it’s slow going,but try these skills. Excited to see what can happen. Thank you Laura!!!
I read your book first kill all the marriage counselors
I broke up with my boyfriend because I thought that he is the one that needs to change, after reading your book and changing my behavior we are trying to make it work again, can I be the one to say first I love you? I am really scared to admit that, I am so afraid he will just stay silent.
Ana, I love your awareness and your commitment to creating intimacy! I hear that it’s scary how he might react if you were to show vulnerability that way.
I remember feeling confused and afraid when I didn’t know whether it would be attractive to express my affection vulnerably or if I should just let him pursue me. Learning the 6 Intimacy Skills gave me the tools to deal with such questions and made me more attractive so my man did start pursuing me again!
Your question deserves a longer response, and I would love to offer you more support. I will point you to some answers in my upcoming free Introductory Course on the 6 Intimacy Skills.
My husband had an affair 2 years ago. When I found out he told me ” I’m not in love with you” it hurt so much! 2 years on he still has not said ” I love you” reading this blog has been a real eye opener. I love this blog…thank you ????xxx
Julie, I’m sorry to hear that your husband cheated on you. That is devastating. Kudos on saving your marriage and on your commitment to healing it.
One client’s husband said he wasn’t attracted to her anymore and left her for another woman. She committed to practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills, and he soon moved back home. He recently told her “I love you” three times in one day. She was over the moon because he had never done that before.
I have so much hope for you to get the affection and tenderness you deserve. I’m excited to hear what happens when you get all 6 Intimacy Skills and experiment with them. You can get them from my book The Empowered Wife. Here’s a free chapter: http://getcherished.com
Hi Laura,
I had written to you a couple of months back. We are still trying to work on our marriage but I haven’t been able to keep up the promise we made of not to fight and argue. It’s been four months and I still keep going into the past as his relationship of 6 yrs has torn me up. He’s committed in our marriage now, but because of my behavior, he’s getting angry too and says sometimes that this is not going to work for us. When we both calm down we realize we are just hurting each other and we don’t want to do that. We want to make this work. He’s open to counseling too. We will b meeting an infedility relationship coach who can hel us get closer. Am I wrong still thinking and grieving about the past? Can U help me how to get past from the hurt and pain I am experiencing from the cheating and betrayal. I hate living in the past. I become so helpless at times that I just cry my heart out. I’ve stopped interacting with friends and family so I don’t get influenced by anything anyone says. No one understands the pain I’m in till they’ve walked in my shoes. Can you please let me know how I can stay in the present and not going back and cause more hurt and damage to our relationship.
Thanks
Melanie, it sounds painful to remain stuck in grief and to continue fighting in spite of both having the best of intentions. I am full of admiration for your commitment to healing your marriage and your courage in reaching out for support. So many of my clients have saved marriages shaken by infidelity. Practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills helped them through the healing process to move beyond that pain and be present to their men’s affection, attention and support. I would love to empower you with the tools to make your marriage peaceful and passionate again. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see what can happen for you with support from a Laura Doyle certified coach. I know you’ll gain such clarity from the call alone. You can apply here: https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching.
I forgot to ask Laura, if I can take care of the finances now, since this never could have happened had I not been totally clueless to our finances. This only happened as a result of him taking care of every bill and every financial statement that came our way.
Thank you for your time.
CC, I commend you for being so committed to practicing the Intimacy Skills purely. You are the expert on your own life, so whatever fits for you. They’re tools, not rules! Your safety comes first.
Hi Laura. I’ll try to be as short as I can. I am married for almost 23 years to a wonderful man with may qualities, but many faults as well like we all have. Shortly after we were married he made me close my checking account which had $22,000 (of my hard earned money) and deposit it into our joint checking account. Since I trusted him I did. Well, it took a while, but I discovered that he used it all to gamble. He so wanted to please me. I had a job while he didn’t, this was his way of trying to show his love, by hopefully “earning” money. I had a two year old and a two month old, so I didn’t want to leave him. Well, we overcame our loss….. but since I grew up in a house where honesty was a priority while he grew up in a house which constantly lied he continues to lie. His fear of displeasing me is so great that he will go to great lengths to lie. About anything, big or small. Just last night, I discovered that he squandered over $50,000 of the money we had set aside to build an extension to our house, by ‘playing’ stocks. I knew he was, but he told me he was only using $5,000 to play with, and he kept winning some and losing some but I knew it was only $5,000. I won’t bore you with the details of all the lies he said during the last fourteen months since he acquired this money by refinancing our home.
Bottom line, I said the most horrible and hurtful things I have ever said. (I meant every word!) My question is, how can I live with someone I can never trust? He gambled 20 years ago, and betrayed my trust again now by gambling again. I know that you say that one of the men one should not live with is a gambler. I don’t see it in my heart to ever trust him. He lies about the dumbest things, to anyone. A marriage is based on trust, if there is no trust, there is no marriage. We have 5 beautiful children. I am trying to see if there is any hope for a chronic liar and an every twenty years gambler. Thank you for listening. I await your response. And yes, I have said every negative comment in each of your books to him over the years, well almost. I have read some of your books but have not mastered the skills yet. Right now, he is according to you a guy I should not live with, am I correct? I cannot afford coaching thanks to him flushing all that money down!
CC, that is awful. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through not only his gambling but lying to you. I so admire your commitment to your marriage and that you came here for support. I’m amazed you found gratitude in the face of that challenge and love your vulnerability in acknowledging your part. I thought I’d married the wrong man, not one of the good guys. I can remember feeling I couldn’t trust my husband when it came to money. Imagine my surprise once I started surrendering and he became responsible with our finances, not to mention more successful! I would love for you to get some support to help you make this decision about whether you’re safe staying with your husband. I hear that working with a coach is not a fit for you financially. I’d still like to invite you to a discovery call because you can gain so much clarity from this call alone. You can apply here: https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching.
Ive been married for just over two years and now im getting a divorce. Why? Well, to make it as short as I can, it’s always over my stepdaughter. It is crystal clear to me his main priority is her and always has been. Her activities are endless and he allows her to make the decisions on how many or how much is too much. Our household and time management is determined around her. I believe in a balance. Time with kids, time for our relationship and time individually. Our marriage and the maintenance of it does not seem to fit in with her busy schedule in other words. Its sports all year around with little to no time for a weekend getaway or we rarely had date nights and when it came to intimacy? Well lets just say he was too tired. Due to all of that I was in a constant state of disconnect with him and felt rejected. We argued over this all of the time and I came to resent her and ending up saying things about her I shouldn’t have said. He said things to me he shouldn’t have said. Now he left our bedroom, went to the guestroom and continues to stick to his guns that shes the most important thing even above our marriage. We are like strangers almost. He says he’s not in love and doesnt want to be married anymore. We have begun the divorce papers and he wants to do anything he can to make things easy for me.
Julia, that is heartbreaking that your marriage is breaking up over your stepdaughter. I’m sorry to hear that. I remember how lonely it was to feel like everything else was more important to my husband than me. I’m still amazed at how learning the 6 Intimacy Skills has put me front and center in his life. Today he treats me like a queen. I believe that’s what you deserve and that it’s still possible for you. It sounds like your husband wants to make things easier on you. That tells me there’s lots of hope for saving your marriage. I would love to see you get the support you need to stop fighting and start being treated like his priority. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call to see if working with a coach would fit for you. You can apply here: https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching.
My husband has told me he doesn’t think he loves me and can’t see us having a future together. We don’t really argue but life has got in the way work, kids etc and I feel we have drifted apart but would have never expected it to come to this. I am broken and desperate to resolve this and get my marriage back on track but he is being cold towards me and won’t communicate, he just says he doesn’t want to try. He goes out most nights to avoid dealing with the situation and he has now moved into the spare room which is too painful for me to bear. Is there hope in this situation as I am not ready to walk away and let go of my marriage as I love him so much? Where do I start?
Andi, thank you for your beautiful vulnerability. I can see why you’re feeling broken and desperate. That sounds very painful. I admire your courage in reaching out for support. I remember how painful it was for me to have a rift with my husband and feel alone even when we were living in the same house. But after learning the 6 Intimacy Skills, I have the passionate, playful marriage I’ve always dreamed of. I know that’s waiting for you too! I have a free webinar coming up that will help get your marriage back on track. It’s called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
Thank you Laura. I have seen the webinar and am reading your book The Surrendered Wife and intend to put it into practice to try and save my relationship. He is still going out all of the time and avoiding spending time with me alone so am not sure when and how to approach it, I think I will start with an apology and then leave him to digest it and see if that opens up the communication. His wedding ring is off now and so I really hope that this new way of approaching things will help to mend our marriage as I am the only one who seems to want to fix it.
Andi, that must be lonely to have your husband avoiding you. I love your willingness to try a new approach, starting with an apology! I know the feeling of being the only one who seems to want to work on the relationship and what a lonely place that was for me. Once I started implementing the 6 Intimacy Skills, like you’re starting to do, things turned around. Now my husband comes and sits next to me on the sofa while I’m working on my laptop because he wants to spend time with me. I would love for you to experience that kind of playful, passionate marriage too! To jumpstart that for you, I invite you to try my 5-Day Get Cherished Challenge at http://getcherished.com
Hi there. I posted before about my husband leaving me after 6 years of marriage. As it stands he is still with this woman but all is not well. He told me he was not sorry for what he’d done as it was the right thing for him. Given that he has also said before that he doesn’t feel guilty I clarified what he’d said and then told him I was ending the call and I wouldn’t allow him to hurt me any more. He text me to say how sorry he was about what he’d said and to trust him that he wouldn’t be anything less than respectful to me in future. I told him that due to his comments I didn’t trust myself so how could I trust him. have to see him as we have 2 foster kids that he looks after when I work. When he came over I was fine with him but made it clear that I love him but didn’t deserve the hurt he was throwing my way. I have said all along that this is not the man I have known for 15 years, even before we became a couple. He has finally admitted that he hasn’t meant any of the stuff he’s said and his head has been all over the place. He also said he was crying all the time and eaten up with guilt about what he’s done to me and that she has been close to finishing with him. I have said I would never see him without a roof over his head or with no support (he has lost a lot of friends because of this) but what I really want is my husband back in the house with me. I love him to bits. I lost my way a bit with reading ‘First kill all the marriage counsellors’ so started from scratch last night. Do you think that it’s too late to get him back?
Denise, thank you for your vulnerability in sharing about all the hurt you’ve been going through. I so admire you for renewing your commitment to practicing the Intimacy Skills you read about. And I love your clear vision of what you want: your husband back at home with you. It is definitely not too late to get him back! I have a free webinar coming up that you will help you get there. It’s called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
Laura,
Love your posts. I recently found out that my husband was cheating on me many years. He had committed adultry. Our marriage was rocky, but I continued thru it for my daughter. When I found out about him cheating on me, I filed for divorce, but couldn’t go thru the divorce. My husband wants to bring a change in our relationship and is working very hard to be a good father and husband, which he failed in so many years of our marriage. I am happy to see him put the effort in the marriage, but I can’t stop myself from going into the past and I get angry at him. I cant change the past, but I have the ability to make a beautiful future. Please guide me how I can make him see me and me alone and fall in love with me again? When I get angry, I bring up the past, and our relationship gets derailed and the efforts that he’s putting in the relationship gets washed off. I think positive and want the best for my family, I use the imagination technique mentioned above, to only see the positive in my marriage and see us both in love. Our physical relationship has also suffered due to this. I want to bring emotional and physical intimacy in my marriage. How can I do it?
Thank you, Melanie. I hear that it’s hard to let go of the past after your husband’s infidelity. I want to acknowledge you for your desire to do that–I really admire you for your commitment to your marriage. That is great news that he is so committed to improving your marriage too! I can tell you have a lot of awareness, and I love your clear vision for having your husband fall in love with you again and restoring the intimacy in your marriage. For me, getting clearer about my part in our loss of intimacy and about what I wanted has been a strong foundation for restoring intimacy. To build on that foundation, I invite you to attend my upcoming free webinar: How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
hi everyone.. i was this career women who was faced with the worst marriage trial ever.. other women.. just like other wives i was at my wits end to face my life and salvage our marriage.. i search thousand of websites to search for answer and solutions when i found laura doyle’s website first and read her books, The surrendered wife and First kill all the marriage councelors which i read again and again. What sticks to my mind from the book is divorce is a failure no matter for what reason and your husband can become the loving person that you fall in love again, and your husband loves to make you happy. Don’t sweat the small stuff and focus, like really focus on the good points. Become your own self fulfilling prophecy.
It is no quick fix and if you are hit with a scandal, they’ll say it took 2 years to heal and become a whole person again. There’s nothing truer than that.
I am writing this because during my agony i wish someone would give answers to all my conflicts. Yes, He will leave the other women, Yes, you can be happy again, Yes, your marriage is worth the salvation and Yes, your husband loves you.
You have to change first and he will follow suit.
All that laura talks in her book worth its weight in gold and your guy will make him happy again.
Wow, Honey, thank you for sharing your remarkable success from applying what you read in the books alone. I’m in awe of your commitment and perseverance in getting back the man you fell in love with! Your story is so inspiring. I wonder if you’ve ever considered becoming a coach! https://lauradoyle.org/become-a-coach/
Laura I was really discouraged by all these comments as none of them realized their hopes and dreams after implementing your program! I know that it brought your husband back to you but I would like to hear more stories like yours, I feel so hopeless like my husband never will care about my needs and it will always be a one way street of me trying to meet his needs & me making excuses for his bad behavior toward me! Of course I don’t tell him that!
Christine, I’m sorry you’re feeling hopeless, and I can definitely relate. Unfortunately, the blog is not where our wins are typically captured. Check out the case studies page at https://lauradoyle.org/case-studies/. I can’t wait for you to have the community and support you’re looking for to feel empowered and supported on your surrendering journey. I know I couldn’t do it alone! I have a free webinar to give you support, called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
I’ve been in the Diamond coaching for almost 6 months. My husband and I are separated but our relationship is evolving.
This quiz opened my eyes to the positive changes. I visualized us on a date, having dinner and laughing. We’re holding hands and smiling. When we disagree, I sit and listen to his point of view without getting defensive or angry. We’re close and intimate.
My husband and I are still separated, but I’m confident that with time, we will be together again!
My husband walked out over a year ago, I discovered after he leftthat he had been in a relationship with a (younger) woman, for quite some time. He contacts me regularly and comes round often to see our children. We went to mediation to sort out our finances and make our situation ‘official’ when we left the meeting I was very upset ( I never wanted our marriage to end) but he was also very upset and hugged me saying he didn’t want this. Since then he has been more distant.
Trouble is my parents and brother really dislike him now (because he broke my heart) the trust has gone. But I miss him so much, the man I fell in love with, not the man he became. I have read your books and implemented the 6 intimacy skills (I believe using these are what helps to keep our connection) I just don’t know what to do. Move on or keep trying and risk my heart again knowing my family will never accept him.
Deborah, that is heartbreaking. I admire you for sharing with such vulnerability and for your commitment to practicing the Intimacy Skills. I would love to see you get the support you need to save your marriage. My coaches have supported other women who are separated in getting their husbands back time and time again. You can get support with a a complimentary discovery call by applying here: https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching. There is hope, Deborah. I know you can do this!
Laura, that is indeed a powerful quiz, with a powerful message. But I’m a little confused. Can you explain more about the difference between dreaming big and setting up expectations for your husband? When is it productive to imagine what we want and when is it wiser to let go of what we want our husbands to do for us and just graciously receive what they give, even when it’s not what we were after? Thanks!
Ilana, thank you for your feedback on the quiz and for your great question! I acknowledge you for wanting to receive graciously everything that comes your way and to avoid expectations. I’d love to see you get the 6 Intimacy Skills and experiment with them. You can get them from my book/audiobook The Empowered Wife. You can read a free chapter here: http://getcherished.com
Yup, I ordered the book a couple of weeks ago and am just waiting for it to be delivered to me overseas. Now I’m looking forward to reading it even more.
Nice–I’m excited for you to start this journey! While you’re waiting for your book to arrive, have you checked out the free webinar How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life? You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
I would love to imagine that my husband are working together building our home back that burned down a year ago. We were laughing and hugging and rejoicing! Picking our colors of shingles and siding, carpet and cabinets and filling our home with new furniture……but reality is he left 3 weeks after the fire. He’s been seeing another woman for a year and he filed for divorce. So my dream is wonderful, but not real. He doesn’t love me and he wants to be far away, and oh the house of my dreams……he wants to take the ins money and leave. 🙁
Marie, thank you for sharing this beautiful vision of your marriage in the face of your husband leaving after the fire. That is devastating! I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through. There is absolutely hope that you can save your marriage and be choosing cabinets together. I invite you to apply for a complimentary discovery call at https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching. You can do it, Marie!
My husband left our 16 year marriage before xmas saying he didn’t feel the same about me anymore. I since found out he’s been seeing a much younger woman (18 yrs younger) for 8 months now. We have 3 children and live in different countries because of his work commitments. I am devastated, broken. Do I just try to move on?
Helen, I’m so sorry to hear that you found out your husband has been having an affair. That is devastating. In my experience working with thousands of women in similar situations, a surrendered wife trumps a mistress any day! I’d hate for you to give up 15 minutes before your miracle happens. I’d love to see you get the support you need to get your husband back. You can apply for a complimentary discovery call at https://lauradoyle.org/marriage-relationship-coaching
AMAZING POST!
Thanks a lot Laura! I really feel that positive thinking leads your future to become what you dream.
Hi Laura! I love all your advice, and am wondering what to do about a husband who I think I am not controlling with, and whom I try to respect and leave alone, who doesn’t want to wear his wedding ring.
When we first got married, he said he couldn’t wait to get his wedding ring and he’d be proud to wear it. Over time, he kept complaining it was tight, would “forget” to wear it, and now flat out just leaves it on his valet even though he knows I’m not happy about it.
What should I do in the situation? I’m saying nothing because I don’t want to control him, but I find myself jealous of women whose husband’s proudly wear theirs.
Jennifer, I hear you! It must hurt to have your husband leave behind his wedding band every day. I love your commitment to showing respect by saying nothing. You’re definitely on the right track! When I started restoring respect and relinquishing control, my husband started doing all sorts of things to please me. I can’t wait to see this happen for you! I have a free webinar that will give you more insight into how to make that happen. It’s called How to Get Respect, Reconnect and Rev Up Your Love Life. You can register for it here: https://connect.lauradoyle.org/six-intimacy-skills-waitlist
Wanting to know why your husband doesn’t wear his ring is not control. It’s connecting. If my wife didn’t wear her ring, I’d want to know why. Did I do something? Is she not happy, is it too tight needing resized? If she put it on in the first place, then it meant something to her. If she doesn’t want to wear it, what does that mean? The only way to find out is to ask. And then to care. So it’s not control, it’s connecting.
If my wife didn’t wear her ring and I didn’t ask why, I would look clueless. Definitely look like I don’t care. That’s why I say it’s not control to inquire what’s up. It’s connecting.
Thomas, I love hearing the ways you’d show care for your wife and how important connection is to you. With our focus on female culture here, it’s so valuable to hear the male perspective.