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How to Recognize Your Dream Guy

Empowered Wife Katherine

Have you ever found yourself measuring your boyfriend against a pre-determined list of things that he must conform to in order to be “The One”? Perhaps he needs to have a specific profession or income level. Or maybe fit a preferred look or type physically. Maybe he needs to have a certain education for him to appeal to you. I can relate!

For many years, I only dated men who met certain criteria that I had set in my mind. After all, I was a highly educated and successful headhunter and felt I needed a man who would be as ambitious, successful, and hard working as I was. After years of dating men who were perfect on paper but lacked the intimacy and passion that I knew I wanted, I thought it might be time to change my idea of the “perfect man.”

I picked up a copy of Laura Doyle’s The Surrendered Single and really started to examine my preconceived notions of dating, love, and the secrets to finding my perfect man. It wasn’t easy at first, because I felt like “surrendering” meant being submissive which does not sit well with modern women in my culture. But I took Laura’s advice to heart and started dating men that I would have otherwise rejected because they didn’t meet my previous checklist. I began to relax more and really enjoy the men I went out with. Soon, I saw that there was an entirely different set of factors that I was looking for in a husband and they varied drastically from my previous list.

At a beer festival a few years ago, a man approached me. We talked for a short time and he asked if he could take me out on a date. Initially, I was unimpressed. He did not have the career that I would have looked for before, he did not meet my previous conception of “attractiveness” and I was more than hesitant to accept a date with him. When I reluctantly agreed to go out with him, I was surprised to find I had a really wonderful time! He was nothing like the man I thought I wanted–our backgrounds and cultures varied drastically–and yet I found him very engaging, sweet, and I enjoyed the time I spent with him.

After dating for over a year, the topic of marriage came up. I knew that I wanted to get married, and I felt some pressure to attain a husband by a certain age. My boyfriend did not necessarily feel the same way. I gave him some space and time to examine his own feelings and what he wanted in life. While this month-long period in our relationship was trying, it was also a crucial step. What became apparent to me was that I truly wanted an intimate, passionate and peaceful relationship. I gave up my meticulous timeline that I felt I needed to stick to and focused on building a better me.

After I gave him his space and time to think, my boyfriend had made his decision: He chose me! He proposed and it felt amazing! I am now married to the man of my dreams and can’t imagine my life without him. Now when he calls me his princess, I know that it is out of adoration, not annoyance or sarcasm due to my high standards.

I was so inspired by the invaluable skills in Laura’s books that I enrolled in the Certified Coach Training Program, further enriching my relationship. As a Certified Laura Doyle Relationship Coach, I have the opportunity to teach other women how to be desired, cherished, and adored by their partners every day!

You can learn more about becoming a Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach here:

By Laura Doyle

Hi! I'm Laura.

New York Times Bestselling Author

I was the perfect wife--until I actually got married. When I tried to tell my husband how to be more romantic, more ambitious, and tidier, he avoided me. I dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. I then started talking to women who had what I wanted in their marriages and that’s when I got my miracle. The man who wooed me returned.

I wrote a few books about what I learned and accidentally started a worldwide movement of women who practice The Six Intimacy Skills™ that lead to having amazing, vibrant relationships. The thing I’m most proud of is my playful, passionate relationship with my hilarious husband John–who has been dressing himself since before I was born.