Some men go to marriage counseling willingly, but most who go do so grudgingly, and still more flat-out refuse.
These men won’t read a book about relationships and don’t seem interested in talking about the problems either.
It can be incredibly frustrating for a wife who knows that her marriage isn’t what it could be. After all, if he won’t work on things, isn’t it hopeless that they’ll ever improve?
That’s what I used to think, which is why I dragged my husband to marriage counseling.
But what if there’s a faster, more effective way to get what you really want from him—spontaneous love pats, heartfelt talks, romantic getaways—that you can implement yourself?
I’ll show you why his stubbornness not working on the relationship is actually a blessing in disguise and how you can get those swoon-worthy encounters without him even knowing what you’re up to.
I know it may sound impossible that you could make your relationship gratifying and delightful again. And I get that the person who needs to change the most is him—and he will. You can make that happen.
All you have to do is…
1. Do What You Did When You Fell in Love
Remember those glory days?
You stayed up too late talking, but you were still smiling the next day. You laughed a lot. In fact, let’s be honest—you were a little goofy. But nobody minded because it was really kind of adorable. And he couldn’t get enough of you back then. Those were good times.
But then life got serious. You’re older now. You have responsibilities and there just hasn’t been as much time for giddiness, between your job, bills, kids, and housework.
You’re strong, so you bucked up and did what needed to be done. But you haven’t been smiling as much. In fact, no disrespect, but you’ve been pretty cross lately.
In other words, you’ve changed.
It’s almost like you’re a different person.
Yes, you’re productive, efficient and smart. But what happened to the Girl of Fun and Light?
The one your husband fell in love with?
What’s that? You don’t even remember her?
Well that explains a lot about why you’ve been so serious lately and why your marriage is not as playful and passionate as it once was.
I mean, you’re just not like you used to be.
When you changed, your husband started responding to you differently. He took his cues from you and got more businesslike too, so there was less playing and fewer butt pats. And that’s not all. It also seemed like he just wasn’t being cooperative when you told him how to be more efficient and logical.
But there’s more to the story.
He misses the Girl of Fun and Light, the one who used to take a running jump to hug him and engage in the occasional pillow fight or skinny dip. You were flirty and quick to laugh then.
That version of you was so…
You made him feel like a hero in those days because you were so happy.
But really, you were making yourself happy.
2. Become the Girl of Fun and Light Again
So how can you be the Girl of Fun and Light?
Find the fun in the situation you’re in.
If you’re at a movie on opening night and the line is around the block, you can see it as an adventure and an opportunity to talk to him instead of lamenting about the long wait.
If you accidentally squirt yourself with the faucet, you can laugh at yourself and say “That was a good one” instead of having a fit.
The GOFL expresses her desires, and she is gracious.
For instance, if you were cold, hungry, tired, or wanted a break from an activity, you’d speak up in a direct way, without criticizing your husband’s choices, judgment, or his sense of fun.
So you would say “I’d love to warm up” instead of “Don’t you think it’s just a tad ridiculous to be outside in this weather?”
Or “It’s getting awfully late to eat dinner” becomes “I want to eat.”
See the difference?
The first phrase criticizes his judgment, while the second just states what would make you happy.
Instead of saying “This is boring,” “I’ve done this before,” or “This food is awful,” find the entertainment in your situation and focus on that.
2. Try It Even if–Especially if–You’re in a Bad Place
What about difficulties with in-laws, finances, or sex? What about the separation, the affair, or the pending divorce?
It may seem crazy to you right now, but finding the fun and making yourself happy is where it all starts to get better.
That’s how it started for me and for thousands of women all over the world who revitalized their broken relationships.
First, we made ourselves happy.
Then, our husbands found us safe, attractive and fun, just like we were in the beginning.
They found us irresistible.
They sought out our company.
They started bringing us chocolate or putting the kids to bed so we could relax. In other words, he changed.
From there, things fell into place.
The impossible became possible. We remembered why we fell in love in the first place.
You will too—just as soon as you decide to be happy again.
How will you show up as the Girl of Fun and Light today? I’d love to hear below.