My Husband Betrayed Me
My Husband Betrayed Me
How I Found My Way Back to Love
At the age of 20, I met my husband to be. He was charming, a true gentleman with such a beautiful heart. I fell in love quickly, and the next year we were married. I was so happy to be a wife and full of anticipation about the life we would create together.
However, our marital bliss didn’t last for long.
Life seemed to have dealt us an unfair hand. Two weeks before our wedding, my mother had a massive stroke that left her with severe aphasia. The next year, my parents divorced.
I soon found myself responsible for taking care of my mother, helping my two sisters finish high school, and mediating between my parents. To top that off, we had tons of debt from college loans, pressure to succeed in our new careers, a couple moves, not to mention all our past baggage.
We were up a creek without a paddle, and I began to feel incredibly helpless and sad. The only way to numb the pain was to control anything and everything that I could.
This included my husband, who, unfortunately, would not be controlled. Instead, he drifted further and further away.
I loved the man I had married dearly, but he just couldn’t seem to do anything right. I felt like I needed so much more from him than what he was able to give. I dealt with this frustration by criticizing how he spent his time, his ways of helping around the house, and even what time he went to bed.
What I saw as “helpful” suggestions created a disconnect between us. He was spending more and more time away from me, apparently weary of what seemed to be a hopeless marriage.
No matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t find our way back to each other.
I became desperate. I read as many books as I could on relationships, took him to marriage counseling, and sought help from our church leaders.
Nothing seemed to help. The rift between us only grew deeper.
A couple months before our seventh anniversary, I experienced a deep betrayal that left my heart in a million pieces. My husband drank too much at a company dinner and ended up sleeping with his coworker. A few days later, with tears streaming down his face, he told me what had happened.
I was absolutely devastated and felt so betrayed. I had to ask myself, “What in the world did I do to make him feel like this was a good choice?”
I couldn’t make sense of what had happened, but I knew that somehow I had played a part in it.
A few days later, I came across some verses I had heard a million times, but for some reason, they sounded different this time: “Love is patient, love is kind, love is slow to anger, love believes the best, love always trusts…”
I had to stop and ask myself, “Do I love like this?” The answer was no and to be honest, I didn’t know how. I prayed for direction and guidance.
My prayers were quickly answered when a friend recommended a book now called The Empowered Wife. At first, the book was hard to read because it all felt so backwards. At the same time, reading this book was a huge relief. I could see myself on every page, and I didn’t feel so alone anymore.
I immediately put the 6 Intimacy Skills™ to the test. Every day, I fought past all the doubts in my head, and I began to truly trust and respect my husband.
He slowly transformed before my eyes. As I experimented with phrases like “whatever you think” and “I trust you,” his confidence grew.
When he asked which shirt to wear to dinner, I would say, “Whatever you think.”
When he told me different options he had for replacing the tires on my car, I said, “I trust you–thank you for taking care of that.”
And he wasn’t the only person who changed–I did too! I became the loving, respectful woman I had always wanted to be. I began to feel good about myself and my choices.
I learned how to identify my true desires. I was able to share with my husband how I wanted to work less, get away more in the winter, and start a family in a way that inspired him to make all of these desires realities in my life!
Looking back over the years, my “helpful” suggestions and constant lack of trust sent the message that he wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or capable. Trust and respect were the missing ingredients in our relationship.
This was our path back to love.
Now our marriage is full of intimacy, peace, friendship and safety. The best part of every day is coming home after work, knowing that the man who adores me more than anything in the world is behind that front door.
As my husband likes to say, “We are living in a miracle!”
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