When you were dating, your husband probably wooed you with words.
He most likely told you how great you looked, or how nice you are, and that he found himself thinking about you at work.
Maybe he said he thought you were so sexy it was distracting, and that he loved your beautiful smile, and that he liked you better than anyone he’d ever dated.
Then he even said he thought you were so much smarter than the average bear, and that he liked your sense of style, your humor, or the way you smelled.
But your man hasn’t said any of those things for a long time. And you’re starving to hear praise from him.
Here are 3 simple steps to inspire him to compliment you again.
1. Stop Lying About How Your Husband Never Compliments You
Okay, so that was a little harsh just now when I accused you of lying about your husband never complimenting you.
What I was trying to say is that never is a long time. It’s very hard for anybody to live up to.
That’s why I suspect you’re exaggerating when you say that he never compliments you.
Maybe what you mean to say is that he rarely compliments you, and like me, you sometimes use hyperbole.
Here’s why I’m picking apart the semantics: it says something about what you’re focused on.
That’s significant, because what you focus on increases.
If your focus is that he never compliments you, then every time he doesn’t, that reinforces your belief that he never does and probably never will—which feels awful.
I know rarely doesn’t sound much better than never, but if he rarely compliments you, that means he sometimes compliments you.
If he sometimes compliments you, and what you want is more of that, why not focus on those times and see what happens?
If that doesn’t seem logical, consider all the times you’ve noticed so many people driving the same car as you right after you got that car, when you never noticed them before.
The only difference was what you were focused on.
2. Catch Him Doing Something Good
That first step, focusing on when he compliments you, is critical because without it, you won’t be able to do this next step, which is to catch him in the act of complimenting you and go bananas with happiness about it.
Instead of complaining that he doesn’t compliment you enough, which is not very inspiring, wait for him to do the very thing you want him to do more of, and then pounce on him with appreciation and happiness.
Here’s what I mean.
Let’s say you made—or let’s say just bought and heated up—soup. And let’s assume further that your husband says, “This is pretty good soup.”
That’s kind of like a compliment, right?
That is your big chance to smile, let him know you are happy to hear that, and that you appreciate the compliment.
See what just happened there?
You gave him positive reinforcement that him giving you a compliment makes you happy, and since he feels good when he makes you happy, that’s going to inspire him to compliment you more.
You might be thinking, “But that’s not the kind of compliment I want him to give me!”
It’s true that’s not a very personal or special compliment. But if he sees that he can delight you when he talks about the soup, he’s going to look for more and better ways to say things that make you happy.
You may have been thinking the opposite—that you should withhold your appreciation until he says that you’re the most beautiful woman in the world, or that he’s so glad he’s married to you, or that he can’t live without you.
I know! I thought the same thing. I thought the way to teach people what I wanted from them was to let them know I wasn’t happy until they got it right.
Turns out that doesn’t work. That’s not inspiring. At all.
But catching him doing something good? It’s surprisingly effective in teaching others how to treat you, which we are all doing all the time.
3. Receive Graciously
In step 2, besides explaining how you can catch him doing something good, I also described what it looks like to receive graciously, which is absolutely vital for turning the clock back to when your man couldn’t shut up about how wonderful you are.
No compliments will be forthcoming until you practice this Intimacy Skill (one of six), which is the essence of femininity and will also make you 10X more attractive.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been out of practice for a while. You can start receiving graciously right now. He’ll get the message that you’re open to letting him delight you again when he sees you smiling and saying, “Thank you.”
Truth be told, he’s been waiting for his opportunity to make you happy again, and following these 3 steps will help him see his chance to do that by telling you how nice you are and how lucky he is to have you.