When to Leave a Relationship
If you’re thinking of leaving your relationship, it’s because you’re feeling lonely, hurt and hopeless about it ever getting better.
I still remember how terrible that felt and how much relief I felt thinking about escaping my marriage for those very reasons.
That pain was real!
The part that wasn’t so real was my fantasy that leaving the relationship was going to fix my problems and make me feel better.
The illusion, which I was completely convinced was the truth, was that my husband was the source of the problems that hurt me so much.
But the reality, I now know, was that most of my suffering stemmed from a lack of training and support in practicing the Six Intimacy Skills™, not because of a terrible, incorrigible husband.
Back then, I would have sworn that it was all his fault and that he was never going to change.
So my options were to leave or continue to suffer forever.
Contents
1. What Never Would Have Happened if I’d Left
But if I had ended my marriage back then, I would have missed out on the great marriage I have now, which would have been so tragic.
I also would have missed out on all the lessons on learning how to love and be loved, the confidence I gained and the dignity that was restored.
So I hate to see any woman give up on her marriage before she gets the Six Intimacy Skills and the Connection Framework to help her implement them.
2. What About Physical Abuse?
But what about abuse, you might be wondering. Shouldn’t you leave your relationship if you’re being abused?
You’re the expert on your own life, including making yourself and your children safe. Safety always comes first.
But what’s the best way to make yourself safe? Leaving may be a way.
But if you have kids or finances together, it’s not easy to make a clean break.
And now that I’ve had the honor of watching women who once had restraining orders against their husbands fix their marriages and feel safe with their husbands again, I see that practicing the Intimacy Skills can also be a way to make you and your children safe.
So it’s nice to know you have options, right?
3. These are Good Reasons To Stay Married
Even if you’re embarrassed about how you and your husband interact, if you want to stay and make your marriage last and thrive because of your kids or just because you want to, it’s nice to know that you’re not alone.
There’s a whole community of women who have been through all kinds of marital breakdowns standing for your marriage, for your greatness as a wife and woman.
And standing for your husband’s greatness too.
What we all have in common is that we believe in marriage, that it’s special, that it’s sacred, that it’s important.
There are lots of places you can go if you want permission to leave your marriage but not our campus.
We’re committed to reminding you why you married your husband, why you’re still married to him, and what your vision is for your family, even if your marriage feels the lowest it’s ever been.
It doesn’t have to stay that way. It can become everything you dreamed it would be.
Some people climb Mount Everest. Some run marathons or become great actors.
For me, the greatest achievement is to create a lasting, loving family even when that seems impossible.
It all depends on what you want. So what is your vision?
It would be an honor to stand for you too and get a front-row seat to your miracle!
15 replies on “When to Leave a Relationship”
Well I truly appreciate everything you said I’m in it’s amazing how one can stay with someone who is abusive and drunk and all the time putting you down
A husband that doesn’t care or respect for 17 years
I have no love for him any more I do not want to be in the s relationship any longer
Christina, I hear you. This must be incredibly painful. No one deserves to be treated this way. Safety always comes first, and you are the expert on how to best make yourself safe, so I support you doing whatever you think is best in your situation.
I see you reaching out on a site that’s all about saving marriages, so I’m wondering how we can support you?
This doesn’t tell me anything about why I shouldn’t leave a cheating husband. One who has betrayed me, and left me and our kids, multiple times. He refuses to work with me to better our marriage. He fails to help himself with any of his issues while I go to counseling and treatments. It is very hard to stay married to someone who checked out and won’t communicate with you or your kids. It’s time to break away from the lifelong gaslighting and manipulation he uses on us. I feel this was just a short tease to get me to buy into something.
Karrie, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. It sounds so heartbreaking. That’s not right.
You are the expert on your own life, so only you know what’s best in your situation. We’re not here to convince anyone to stay or to sell you anything. We are here to empower women who want to save their marriages and keep their families together.
I hear you asking why you shouldn’t leave. And that this feels like a tease–sounds like you’re wanting more?
We are all about fixing marriages for women who want that, so I’m wondering how we can support you?
I need help desperately….
Lee, I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling desperate. I remember feeling the same way and it was lousy. It also led to my breakdown becoming a breakthrough. I would love to support you in turning things around. Here’s where you can get help:
lauradoyle.org/rhw-waitlist
Grest article. However, I want to know the 6 intimate skills.
Thanks, Dacia. I love your curiosity. The book The Empowered Wife has the Six Intimacy Skills written out step-by-step. Enjoy!
Kudos to you for dragging your husband to a counsellor which indicates that you want your marriage to work and you put enough efforts into it. Realistically women in most cases try their best to make marriages work maybe because they don’t want to keep changing partners or for the sake of the children who could become destabilised or to avoid being shamed by the society. But for whatever reasons it may be I believe the effort is worth it because with time and loads of perseverance those seemingly sad situations might evolve into joy and happiness. The true reality of marriage is that it’s not easy living with a stranger who has already formed his/her own character and habits that cannot be easily changed endured or have understanding for. Utilising those skills effectively to create a stable relationship and home deserve some medals. Personally I believe that understanding consideration respect and love make relationship last very long and happy.
Married for 46 years to a man who has ASD traits. It took me years to connect the dots. He lacks emotional reciprocity, shows no affection, is ghostly quiet and has NO empathy. Recently, he moved out, but sees me every day. I always wanted to keep the peace, so I let so much go.
I’ve been lonely and anxious for so long, whether he is living with me or not living with me. All this has been playing havoc on my wellbeing.
I married my husband because I was getting older and he seemed ok. That’s not a good basis for anything.
My marriage feels hopeless. My husband says he is still hurting over infidelity I did 23 years ago. He keeps getting a job and then losing it. We’ve been married 39 year and the majority of time he was unemployed and sleeping the day away. I want to leave but I just don’t know if I am wrong.
Lisa, I can see why you’re feeling hopeless. Being on that fence is SO painful. I remember it well, along with how scary it was when my husband was falling short with work and finances. Turns out, something was missing. When I learned to become my best self, he started responding to me better and becoming his best self too!
If I can do it and so can thousands of women, you can do it too! I would love to see you get some coaching so you can stop feeling hopeless and questioning yourself, and start knowing what you want and having the relationship you deserve. You can get the details here when you’re ready for support.
Hi, how do I know the success rates for women who have similar situations to mine? I have not seen it mentioned, and it is very difficult. Maybe there are other women going through or who have successfully made it through what I’m dealing with. But I have tn seen it in the blog or heard it in the podcast.
If there is another way to see this I am open, I have emailed and asked twice and I don’t have any feedback to guide me. It’s my own responsibility what to do with my choices and my life, but how do I know this is maybe not for right now or if I should leave temporarily. As for being the expert on my own life, I’m needing help sorting through my thoughts and habits of thoughts and would like help getting pointed the right way. Is this blog the approach for a situations? This doesn’t have to do with physical violence. Or anything else I’ve seen. Thank you. I need some feedback or assurance for my situation. Please help
Ivy, being on the fence, not knowing whether or not to leave, is so painful. I remember being there too, and it was lousy because, as hopeless and scared as I was, I really didn’t want to leave. So you are certainly not alone. You are the expert on your life, so only you know what’s best for you and your relationship. I admire your commitment in coming here, where our mission is to end world divorce, to ask.
I have never seen the Intimacy Skills fail when practiced, including in seemingly hopeless situations. I appreciate your desire for privacy. For further support, feel free to reach out to our help desk at laura@lauradoyle.org.