Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach
No Longer Lonely Or Overwhelmed
Being married to my childhood sweetheart for 30 years sounds like a true happily ever after story for some. But for me, it felt more like a lonely endurance test.
I believed what it took to be a good wife was competency, responsibility and wearing many hats—gourmet cook, gardener, wife, mother of 4, multiple business manager and guest entertainer—all while looking reasonably attractive. Feeling overwhelmed was all too familiar! I was doing all I could to pull my own weight and be productive. I considered it a high compliment that I was a “go-getter” and got more done than most people.
In reality, I wasted decades feeling avoided and lonely. Mostly I grieved in broken-hearted silence. I felt old, weary and weak when I should have been strong. I found myself sleeping a lot as a method of escape. I welcomed the end of my life and some of my good-intentioned friends recommended anti-depressant medications. I thought it was my husband’s fault for not being a good provider and for not loving me enough.
Some of my friends and family who had been to marriage counseling were advised on how to end their impossible marriages, but I did not want separation or a divorce. When I asked my husband about going to counseling, he declined. A few years ago I quietly recommitted myself to staying in my unhappy marriage because there were too many people who would be hurt by my giving up. Years were spent in a quest for happiness which included searching scripture, countless conversations with other women and reading many relationship books. While there were little bits and pieces that helped, none were the key to my marital happiness.
Then my daughter told me of a book she read by Laura Doyle called The Surrendered Wife. She was nervous at first about telling me the title of the book, and rightfully so. I did not receive it well. But she said that there were specific Intimacy Skills™ outlined within the pages and when she implemented those skills, she was met with immediate success in her relationship. Naturally I was quite interested. She also recommended that I read the book in secret, which I did. After reading it, I determined it was not for me, but then my next thought was “Why not? Nothing else has worked. I could always go back to the old ways if this doesn’t work either.”
So began the best part of my life and there is no turning back. This was the missing piece I was searching for…written down step by step in black and white; a practical guide to being a happy wife.
Several months later, though I was happier than ever in my marriage, I still was not treasured, cherished and adored as I wanted to be. Then I found out about coaching. It put me on a fast-track to the intimate marriage which had eluded me for years. Goodbye silence and loneliness! Being cherished, treasured and adored is my experience now, and so is having a lighter load. My husband requires less of me than I formerly believed and certainly less than I required of myself. Life is balanced and happy for our family. The transformation that has happened in our marriage moves me to tears and we are in love like we have never been before. I no longer have to pretend to have a happily ever after relationship because it is our new reality. Finally, I know what respect looks like and am grateful that I never gave up. I feel strong again and enjoy the life I have more than ever and I no longer use sleep as an escape from reality. My husband says, “When people hear my wife is a relationship and intimacy coach they wonder what the husband’s perspective is. I’m here to tell you, it works.”
A few years ago I was inspired to write down my dream – what I wanted to do even if I would not be paid for it. The instructions were to go ahead and write it down even if I had no idea how to achieve it. This is what I wrote: “To help couples find happiness in marriage.” I laughed as I wrote because I knew I could not help others have a happy marriage when I didn’t have one myself, however, the passion was there. I never would have imagined that my dream could come true.
It really is a dream come true to be able to help other women avoid the heartbreak and loneliness. Even better, I am delighted to be able to guide those women to happiness beyond their dreams. Can you imagine my delight to be part of a team of coaches whose mission is to end world divorce? The Intimacy Skills™ have transformed my marriage and I truly believe that they can help any woman who is suffering in silence. Laura and I want to help you have the same kind of intimacy, passion and peace in your relationship. To learn how, apply for a Discovery Session here.