3 Things Wives Get Wrong about Husbands
3 Things Wives Get Wrong about Husbands
How to End Misunderstandings and Hear His Heart Message
Imagine if your husband did and said everything you needed to be happy in your marriage, as though he were trying to win the husband-of-the-year award.
What kinds of things would he do differently?
Maybe he’d redouble his efforts to clean up and maintain the house or show up more for the kids. Maybe he’d be more affectionate, seeking your company whenever he got the chance.
You’d feel more taken care of, special and desired.
Wouldn’t that be amazing?
Your husband actually does want to do all those things for you. All men want to succeed–especially with their wives.
So what’s stopping him?
It could be, and often is, that he’s misunderstood. He’s conveying one heart message, but you’re hearing something else.
1. Seeing Him as Lazy
Let’s say you walk in after work with groceries and there are dishes in the sink, no sign of dinner being started and wet laundry that needs to go in the dryer…and your husband is already relaxing on the couch.
You might see him as lazy or lacking initiative. You might think he’s downright selfish for not seeing what needs to be done and doing it.
But is he truly a slacker, or does he simply need to know how to be successful at being your hero?
Is he just resting so that when he finds out what you want he can jump up to do it?
True, he didn’t look around and see what needed to be done without you having to say something, which would definitely have been great. But that doesn’t mean he’s unwilling to help.
It could be, and often is, that he needs to know how to make you happy in that moment.
Now is your chance to express your desires in a way that inspires. That means you need to know what you want.
What is it you would love? To relax on the couch yourself? To go out to dinner? An empty dishwasher? A glass of wine? All of the above?
If you roll your eyes at him or otherwise indicate that you think he’s a complete waste of space, you won’t get a good response.
But if he thinks he truly has a chance to please you, watch out! You might be amazed to what lengths he’ll go when he knows exactly how to make you happy.
2. Thinking He Doesn’t Want to Do Things Because He’s Complaining
Maybe he offers to start dinner, but in the same breath he complains about how he has worked so hard already and is tired because all weekend he was doing yard work and working overtime, plus he did all that paperwork for the mortgage or the insurance.
Like he’s the only person who might be tired! He sounds like a whiny baby.
You might think he’s just trying to shirk his responsibilities and dump them all on you. Maybe it’s easier just to do things yourself than listen to him complain!
But what if his complaints were less about his unwillingness to pitch in and were actually an awkward plea for acknowledgment?
In other words, he’s listing and relisting the things he did because he wants to know that you saw and appreciated his contributions.
Sure, he’s going about it the wrong way, no question. You have to have a generous ear to hear his heart message that he wants to be appreciated in this situation.
But what if you could clear up this whole misunderstanding by simply saying, “You do so much around here! Thanks for working so hard to support our family and for all that you do around the house too. It makes me so happy.”
Not only do husbands stop complaining about what they did when you appreciate them, they seem to walk taller and prouder when they know that they made their wife happy.
3. Believing He Doesn’t Want to Spend Time with You
Sometimes you feel like you’re barely getting to talk to each other all week because of crazy carpool and work schedules. Then, when you think you’re finally going to be able to see him, your husband says he’s going to visit his mom or help a friend move.
You feel like the last person on his list. He has time for everyone and everything else in the world but no time for you.
And it hurts!
So you let him know how disappointed you are that he’s not spending time with you, which makes it very clear he is not going to win that husband-of-the-year award. Again.
That makes him feel like a bad husband, which makes him want to run far, far away to avoid feeling like a failure in your eyes.
In other words, he’ll be spending even less time with you.
Granted, that’s not the most mature response, but it is human and your husband is a mere mortal man.
Here’s the misunderstanding: Your husband visits his mom and helps his friend move because he’s one of the good guys. He’s generous and hardworking and likes to feel needed, especially by people who appreciate his company and his help.
Instead of expressing disappointment in him for neglecting you, consider sharing how excited you are to finally get some time alone with him.
Isn’t it true that you are looking forward to couple time?
Imagine if he knew how happy you’re going to be when he comes home. Don’t you think he would get home a little sooner?
Of course he would.
A man loves being around a wife who can hear his heart message.
Have you suffered from any of these common misunderstandings? Post below in the comments section which of these alternatives you’ll try this week.
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