My Husband Never Compliments Me
When you were dating, your husband probably wooed you with words.
He most likely told you how great you looked, or how nice you are, and that he found himself thinking about you at work.
Maybe he said he thought you were so sexy it was distracting, and that he loved your beautiful smile, and that he liked you better than anyone he’d ever dated.
Then he even said he thought you were so much smarter than the average bear, and that he liked your sense of style, your humor, or the way you smelled.
But your man hasn’t said any of those things for a long time. And you’re starving to hear praise from him.
Here are 3 simple steps to inspire him to compliment you again.
Contents
1. Stop Lying About How Your Husband Never Compliments You
Okay, so that was a little harsh just now when I accused you of lying about your husband never complimenting you.
What I was trying to say is that never is a long time. It’s very hard for anybody to live up to.
That’s why I suspect you’re exaggerating when you say that he never compliments you.
Maybe what you mean to say is that he rarely compliments you, and like me, you sometimes use hyperbole.
Here’s why I’m picking apart the semantics: it says something about what you’re focused on.
That’s significant, because what you focus on increases.
If your focus is that he never compliments you, then every time he doesn’t, that reinforces your belief that he never does and probably never will—which feels awful.
I know “rarely” doesn’t sound much better than “never,” but if he rarely compliments you, that means he sometimes compliments you.
If he sometimes compliments you, and what you want is more of that, why not focus on those times and see what happens?
If that doesn’t seem logical, consider all the times you’ve noticed so many people driving the same car as you right after you got that car, when you never noticed them before.
The only difference was what you were focused on.
2. Catch Him Doing Something Good
That first step, focusing on when he compliments you, is critical because without it, you won’t be able to do this next step, which is to catch him in the act of complimenting you and go bananas with happiness about it.
Instead of complaining that he doesn’t compliment you enough, which is not very inspiring, wait for him to do the very thing you want him to do more of, and then pounce on him with appreciation and happiness.
Here’s what I mean.
Let’s say you made—or let’s say just bought and heated up—soup. And let’s assume further that your husband says, “This is pretty good soup.”
That’s kind of like a compliment, right?
That is your big chance to smile, let him know you are happy to hear that, and that you appreciate the compliment.
See what just happened there?
You gave him positive reinforcement that him giving you a compliment makes you happy, and since he feels good when he makes you happy, that’s going to inspire him to compliment you more.
You might be thinking, “But that’s not the kind of compliment I want him to give me!”
It’s true that’s not a very personal or special compliment. But if he sees that he can delight you when he talks about the soup, he’s going to look for more and better ways to say things that make you happy.
You may have been thinking the opposite—that you should withhold your appreciation until he says that you’re the most beautiful woman in the world, or that he’s so glad he’s married to you, or that he can’t live without you.
I know! I thought the same thing. I thought the way to teach people what I wanted from them was to let them know I wasn’t happy until they got it right.
Turns out that doesn’t work. That’s not inspiring. At all.
But catching him doing something good? It’s surprisingly effective in teaching others how to treat you, which we are all doing all the time.
3. Receive Graciously
In step 2, besides explaining how you can catch him doing something good, I also described what it looks like to receive graciously, which is absolutely vital for turning the clock back to when your man couldn’t shut up about how wonderful you are.
No compliments will be forthcoming until you practice this Intimacy Skill (one of six), which is the essence of femininity and will also make you 10X more attractive.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been out of practice for a while. You can start receiving graciously right now. He’ll get the message that you’re open to letting him delight you again when he sees you smiling and saying, “Thank you.”
Truth be told, he’s been waiting for his opportunity to make you happy again, and following these 3 steps will help him see his chance to do that by telling you how nice you are and how lucky he is to have you.
25 replies on “My Husband Never Compliments Me”
Actually,
It has been 5 years and from day one my husband did not give “me” a compliment instead he asked “why do you always do your hair?” “Why do you always wear glasses? Have you ever considered contacts?” “Why do you always wear dresses?” “Well I feel overdressed!” But to other women “looking good” “nice abs Naomi” “nice tats Susan”.
My husband now lives in a different town. He says he doesn’t call or text because he only thinks of me twice a week.
I asked “are you not attracted to me?” He said “yeah why!” And walked away.
He did say “nice dress” to me once and “you straightened your hair.” But I don’t count them as compliments. They’re more like observations. He said he told the big girl “looking good.” Because she’s a nice person. I would ask him why he is with me and he would only ever say because you’re a nice person. That’s it.
Until the last four months I gave him compliments about his hair after hair cuts when I liked them, I made a fuss out of his calves when they popped, his bum when it looked great in a certain stance. Id take photos of him and post them on Facebook tagging him saying how gorgeous he is and how in love I am with him. He has never. He stood me up on my first Valentine’s Day knowing that my only other v day I was cheated on. He doesn’t care.
Jacquie, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this separation and not even hearing from your own husband. Feeling like he doesn’t even care sounds so heartbreaking.
I remember the days when I needed a miracle to fix my marriage. To paraphrase Thomas Wolfe, miracles not only happen around here, they happen all the time!
As the wife, you have enormous power to save your relationship, in my experience. I’d love to get you the skills so you can stop feeling hopeless, hurt and alone, and save your marriage. Here are the 6 Intimacy Skills so you can finally feel cared for.
This would be great but the truth is I don’t get compliments. My husband has complimented me 9 times since April 2021. 6 out of 9 times it’s because I was fishing / said something like “wow I look like crap today.” I compliment him multiple times weekly. I haven’t said anything because I don’t want phony compliments.
I’m at a loss.
Jessica, I’m sad to hear that you can count on two hands the few compliments you’ve gotten in years. You shouldn’t have to fish for compliments or go without, especially when you give compliments so freely. I remember being at a loss too and how alone I felt. I would love to give you the tools to turn this around. Here’s a free Roadmap of 6 simple steps that have helped thousands of women fix their relationships so you can too:
https://lauradoyle.org/rm1o/
Hi Laura,
I know that my husband loves me, as he Is very supportive and kind to me, however , he cannot provide me with a specific compliments , most of the time I would need to prompt him, when he get the hint, his compliment is general . I have talk to him explained how it makes me feel, but it appears he don’t understand what compliment is. We even read an article about compliment ans I can feel that he is willing to learn but just after a week , we’re back to making me feel Unseen. My husband is very quiet and not open to express his thoughts which is really a burden for me – I feel that we don’t have connection. We’re married for 14 years and very unhappy. I know that he loves me but it’s not enough. I am so tired and fed up.
Jasmine, you shouldn’t have to deal with your husband not understanding what a compliment is. I can see why you’re fed up!
I still remember the days when I felt unseen and they were lousy. That’s why my coaches and I have helped so many women fix their relationships. We can help you too.
Get a coach so you can stop feeling disconnected and unhappy, and start feeling seen, acknowledged and adored! Join the waitlist for The Ridiculously Happy Wife coaching program here:
lauradoyle.org/rhw-waitlist
So husbands are required to do the bare minimum, got it.
No actually they aren’t REQUIRED to do anything just as well are not as wives! We can choose love and choose respect and choose appreciation and choose to one another but we can’t control anyone else and we aren’t owed anything truly by another human just as we don’t owe… We have relationships in our lives that can offer beautiful gifts and love and delight, that’s all!! The article isn’t excusing anyone either… It’s a reminder that our spouse is a gift and they are a human just as we are and if we choose to channel the “us” that our spouse fell in love with & inspire him with appreciation, joy, respect and feminine empowerment than he will start to be that man we fell in love with also💕 we women sometimes further that our men aren’t there only ones that have changed and honestly, we likely changed first triggering their change because they definitely get their directions and overall picture from us! We can look at it as men doing bare minimum and don’t care about what we want or need or we can do one better than even “controlling” our man and actually turn him into a loyal, confident, stop at nothing to please us, determined, romantic, proud, dotting lovers with ear to ear grins by our magnetism and respect of them!
Immediately stopped reading after the first comment. He literally has never complimented me. He was even mad on our wedding day. Didn’t talk to me at all
My husband never posts me on his social media the last post is me and him was in January 2020 when I asked him why he had nothing to say… our birthdays are 1 day apart so mines is first and I just thought he would at least post it and give me one of those “birthday shoutouts” Since I already had his planned out days before I waited all day n barely got a text saying “happy birthday loser love u” but no post so I let it go but any time one of his friends has a birthday he gives them this amazing shoutout I just don’t know why am I not important to this man idk how to do it
So I’ve been feeling kinda down about something.. whenever I bring up a new idea to my husband, he never says, “Awesome! That’s great!” For example, I told him that I wanted to invent something and he replied by saying, “If it was easy, everyone would do it.” I also told him that I’m going to make millions off of my first book and he said, “That doesn’t happen for someone who has never written a book before.” I’ve talked to him about this several times about how upset it makes me feel and nothing changes ? idk how to not feel down about it. He is an engineer so Idk if it has to do with the way his mind works.
Hi Laura. What if as well as the above, my husband keeps pointing put all the negative things I do to me eg.”why do you keep taking this plug out”, “can’t you put pans back in the cupboard properly” etc etc. Sounds small but repeatedly telling me is making me feel rubbish about myself and i loose all self-confidence and i already struggle with anxiety. I don’t point out what he does to annoy me as i wouldnt want to make him feel bad about himself. Does he do it to vent his frustrations from other things or is it really me thats the problem?
None of this works for me. My husband RARELY compliments me. When he does I always let him know how happy that makes me. I also compliment him, rather often. But I get extremely rare appreciation or reciprocation.
When I read the title, how to get more compliments I racked my brain on what could possibly accomplish that. The. When I read the post the solution was so simple. How can a smart woman miss such an obvious answer! I love your practicality.
Shiree, Thank you! I know what you mean. It wasn’t obvious to me either at first. We play a great game at the Cherished for Life Weekend that makes receiving graciously into a habit you take home with you. It’s a lot of fun. Here are the details so you can join us if you like:
http://cherishedforlife.com
The audible version of your book is amazing! I’m so glad you chose to do the narration yourself. I have listened to it many times over. So easy on the ears and your humor and whit are right up my alley. My marriage has always been good but your skills are making a good thing even better. Thank you!
Thanks, Min! I’m happy to hear you’re enjoying my audio books.
How can I listen to your Audio books?
Laura, the audiobooks are available on Audible. Enjoy!
Hi Laura My marriage and the way my husband treated me changes a lot when I started to follow your teachings. I actually read your book for the second round. We had a tough time. He left. With God’s grace I learned to rescpect him and accepted that everyhusband desires to make their wife happy. Now we are soo much better than ever. and I learned to smile a lot!
By the way, He came back home! And I noticed he changed too! For more than a year, he doesnt look at me in the eye, he was very bitter. But Im coto change my self with God’s grace I learned to Zip my lips, thank him everyday (even though he left home). Now, he looks at me from the eyes of love. From stone-walling to lots of cuddling! I feel more feminine again. Thank you Laura!
Michelle, this is great news! Congratulations! I’m so happy to hear. You are very courageous.
Thank u for all you do. I have learned much by reading the things you write. I am gonna work hard to do what u teach. Will keep you informed.
You write the truth. Thank you for reaching me these things Laura. You helped me transform my marriage and more. Coach Norita
So true about what we focus on. Good job to call us on the carpet to remind us. Looking forward to the live Facebook! Also, I have finished one book, in the middle of the second and cnt wait to download the third! Blessings to you!