Feeling Rejected by My Husband During Pregnancy
Being pregnant is vulnerable. If there’s anything you want when you’re getting ready to welcome a baby, it’s to feel secure about your future, to know that you’re loved and desired, and that you’ll be protected and taken care of.
Being rejected always feels bad, but feeling rejected during pregnancy is especially scary.
Pregnancy messes with your body so much that you can also feel like you’re not very attractive. Then if he’s less physically affectionate, you could assume it’s because you don’t look hot anymore in your maternity pants.
Or someone might tell you that you just feel rejected because your hormones are making you crazy. So now you’re not only feeling rejected, you’re also feeling unattractive and possibly crazy!
But is that what’s really happening?
Here are some questions to ask yourself to get clear, and three simple ways to get your man’s love and support.
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1. Are you steamrolling because you feel vulnerable (like I did)?
Pregnancy makes you vulnerable. When I feel especially vulnerable, that can trigger my steamroller mode. Laura Steamroller Doyle comes out and rolls over everybody.
Steamrolling feels especially justified if there is something important that I’m trying to make happen and everyone else is annoying me because they aren’t on the same page.
I’ve even gotten into steamroller mode about trying to end world divorce. I’m like, “Everybody else, get out of the way because I’m doing something really important and I don’t need any help. Well, I do need help, but since I’m the only one who can do things the right way, never mind—I’ll just do it myself!”
Needless to say, this is off-putting to practically everyone. My team, my husband. Even to me, it’s pretty unpleasant.
Fortunately, I know a better way to show up now, which I’ll tell you in a moment, but first, here’s another question to ask yourself if you’re feeling rejected during pregnancy.
2. Are you receiving graciously?
Guess who’s driving that steamroller, trying to look tough? Scared little Laura. Underneath all that, I’m over my head, like when my first book became a New York Times bestseller and a media sensation and I got invitations to speak to some large audiences.
What they didn’t know was that I had never given a talk before, so I was terrified.
I got a book on how to be a public speaker, which just wasn’t enough, so I contacted the author of the book for help. She asked me some questions so she could help me, and although I desperately wanted her help, instead I got in my steamroller.
I remember her saying, “So you reached out to me for help because you have too many people asking you to speak?”
And I was like “Yes, I have to go. Goodbye.” And I hung up.
I could not receive help. It just felt too vulnerable!
3. Are you showing vulnerability?
What does any of this have to do with feeling rejected during pregnancy? Being pregnant is full of purpose and passion. It takes a lot of energy.
You have something important to prepare for, with a non-negotiable deadline that will change your life. Some of it, only you can do! And some things you can receive help with if you’re open. If it’s not too scary.
So it may not be so much that your husband is rejecting you, but that you’re rejecting your husband or steamrolling him like I did with that speaker coach. You may be trying to protect yourself and your baby, even from your husband. But he’s on your side.
He may have the impression you don’t need him or don’t want him. Letting him see how scared you are, how much you desperately want his help and support, instead of pretending you have it all figured out—that’s what it means to be vulnerable, which is what you are when you’re pregnant.
That’s what happened when Renee kept reminding her man that they needed a car seat pronto because the baby was coming soon.
When she didn’t see him moving to get it, she jumped in her steamroller. She took her exhausted, eight-month-pregnant self out to get the car seat. Then she brought it home and let him know what a disappointing father he was before their baby even arrived.
Instead of apologizing to her and asking her what else he could do to prepare for their baby like she hoped he would, he moved out of their bedroom, leaving her feeling even more alone. Talk about rejection!
Her husband responded by pulling her into his arms. They had a tender, reassuring conversation that made her feel loved and connected again. Within days he was back in her bed and more attentive than ever.
Another student, Lauren, shared how practicing the 6 Intimacy Skills™ made her third pregnancy a completely different experience than her first two because she felt so outrageously well taken care of by her husband with her new approach.
Far from feeling rejected, she was so supported to the point of feeling spoiled when she showed up vulnerable and receptive.
So if you are pregnant and feeling rejected right now, how could you experiment with changing that by leaning into your vulnerability and letting your husband love and support you? I’d love to hear in the comments below.
One reply on “Feeling Rejected by My Husband During Pregnancy”
I appreciate how this post reframes rejection—not just as something he’s doing, but as something I might be experiencing through my own lens of insecurity. That shift alone feels empowering and gives me a place to start rebuilding connection instead of just feeling stuck.