By Becky, Empowered Wife
At age 37, I met the man I would marry. We dated briefly before he proposed, and I figured I had nothing to lose. I was hoping for happily-ever-after and preparing for the worst at the same time.
My happily-ever-after never arrived, but the worst did. My insecurities and fears took control. Early on, I felt lost, hurt, and alone. We argued all the time and immediately grew painfully apart. I was regretting marriage altogether.
Since I did not trust him, I controlled everything: chores, bills, finances, cooking, and practically all the decisions in our household. I felt overworked, taken for granted, and depleted.
I lost myself completely.
Occasional good moments gave me glimpses of hope. Then, in record time, we would be back to arguments and recurring threats of divorce.
I felt stuck. Even though it appeared that we didn’t stand a chance, I did not want to end my marriage until I knew I had tried everything possible!
I thought I was doing the right things, but it turns out that I wasn’t.
I discovered the book The Surrendered Wife after a few marriage counseling sessions. I couldn’t put it down. I could not believe that it spelled out what I was doing wrong. I was controlling! That was hard to swallow.
I finally found what I could do to fix my marriage. I got excited and motivated to practice the 6 Intimacy Skills™ as I read what could become possible in our marriage. I reread sections and started to take small steps. It was the beginning of my new hopeful journey.
But it seemed easier said than done. By now, my husband was also tired of the arguing and the lifeless marriage. He decided to study abroad. How could I possibly work on our marriage and have lasting progress with him gone?
I hit my lowest point and became painfully withdrawn from life.
I felt guilt and shame for choosing a broken marriage while he seemed to be pulling away. I isolated, facing my struggles alone. During our long-distance calls, I was often angry and accusatory, pushing him further away.
Defeated and broken, I was convinced that our marriage was over.
That same week, a beloved cousin under my care became seriously ill and, sadly, passed away. I felt overwhelming grief from all angles. I was resigned to pick up the shattered pieces of my life alone.
My breakthrough to finding myself began when I decided my life was worth living and acted accordingly.
I found peace and healing by focusing on my well-being, moment to moment. I shifted from fears to faith since the worst had already happened and I had survived.
One month into putting myself back together, my husband called and asked if I would consider continuing with our marriage. I was at a crossroads: I was getting my life together for me, and now he wanted to come back?!
My heart beat so fast as I realized that I had been given one more chance to right my wrongs. I wanted my marriage and said yes once more. This time, I was not planning for the worst.
He moved back home, but it felt like we were two strangers living under the same roof. Even after knowing what I needed to do right, I messed up over and over again. Again, I let the feelings of betrayal and hurt lead me astray.
After getting sick and tired of the same old feelings, I finally jumped in with both feet to practice the Intimacy Skills to save my marriage and live in peace.
The Skills helped me focus back on me, regardless of the outcome in my marriage.
I finally started to see lasting and positive changes in both of us. I started to let go of all the responsibility, fear, and control that were no longer serving me. Now I worked on what I really had control over: me!
I finally embraced that self-care was truly the way to relinquish control and make myself happy. When fear and or mistrust threatened to overshadow my gains, I would slow down and reconnect with the Skills.
Then came the opportunity to attend the Cherished for Life Weekend. There, I heard inspiring stories of real women and their journeys back to a cherished marriage.
I made a bold investment and enrolled in the Laura Doyle Relationship Coach Training Program to learn the Skills at a deeper level for the marriage and life that I desired.
But I quickly realized that my marital challenges did not have an easy fix. I had to be consistent in my surrendering to reach happy-ever-after.
So I focused on creating safety, regaining my husband’s trust by being consistent in practicing the Skills. Even as I improved, he claimed my behavior was manipulative and still did not trust my actions or my words. I practiced my program anyway. Where I was once part of the problem, I was now going to be part of the solution.
I knew I needed to apologize for all my control and disrespect in our relationship. Apologizing was not easy, but it was crucial.
The following month was the happiest of my married life!
During Coach Training, our positive changes continued. Coach Training was my happy-wife (and happy-me) training. I learned to rest, honor others, and be me!
I no longer felt alone during my challenges. I now belonged to a connected and supportive community of women who had suffered long enough, just like me. And they were my inspiration for the change that I now knew was possible.
These women celebrated me in my wins, stood for my greatness, and shared how they overcame their own struggles. I am so thankful for this support and for the Skills.
Today, I am reaching new levels of intimacy and peace in my marriage effortlessly. Every day I continue to see more possibilities for creating lasting healing and happiness.
Today, I celebrate that I chose an amazing, smart, funny, generous provider and loving partner I can count on. I know with all my heart that he cares about me, my happiness, and our marriage.
Today, I only wish I hadn’t gone through all those hurtful years and instead could have enjoyed a more intimate, passionate, and connected relationship from the beginning.
Today, I can humbly share my journey of powerful and dynamic personal transformation because of the Skills. Now I can support and inspire other women as they journey to restore their marriages and enjoy their best lives.
I am so glad I said yes to me when I signed up for coach training that day. My life-changing investment continues to pay off, and there is no looking back.
You too can have this kind of life-changing experience. You don’t have to do it alone, and you don’t have to wait any longer. I invite you to say yes to you.
That was the most important step in my journey–the first one.