Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

5 Bogus Facts about Boundaries that Everyone Thinks Are True

You have to set boundaries in relationships.

Everyone knows that.

But what if you don’t?

Since boundaries are places at the edge of countries where soldiers with guns stand to defend their territory, you’ve gotta ask yourself: Do I really want those in my marriage?

I know I don’t.

Barbed wire and gun turrets don’t do much for intimacy.

You might be thinking, “That’s a different kind of boundary,” but in my early marriage there wasn’t much difference. I meet lots of other women who are as confused as I was.

They say, “I set a boundary. I let him know it’s not okay to stay out late drinking with his friends and leave me at home alone with the kids.”

Or, “I told him he had to end his friendship with that woman at work because that was violating my boundary.”

Or, as I used to say, “I don’t appreciate being spoken to that way and I won’t accept you violating my boundary.”

Of course, I want to honor myself. I want to say how I’m feeling and what I want. I want to feel important and desired.

I want to be treated well.

Today I have all that in my marriage. But setting boundaries never helped me get there.

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My Husband Forgot Our Anniversary and It Was The Best Ever

Husban Forgot Anniversary

My Husband Forgot Our Anniversary and It Was The Best Ever

By Sheila Bernstein, Laura Doyle Certified Relationship Coach

Our anniversary starts like any other day. As far as I know, we do not have anything special planned.

On this morning, I ask myself, “How do I feel? What do I want?”

I feel full of happy reserves and a yummy lightness in my heart. I have been honoring what makes me happy with lots of delicious self-care and saying no to stressors.

What do I want? I want to celebrate our thirty-two-year anniversary.

I snuggle up to my hubby like an enamored schoolgirl and say, “Happy Anniversary, Baby. I am so happy you are my husband.”

He responds, “You better be. Wow, with all that’s going on, I forgot about it.”

How do I feel now?

Hurt! Disappointed! Angry!

How could he forget our anniversary after 32 years of marriage?

But rather than say that, I decide to use a certain gesture.

No, not that gesture!

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From a Crippling Crisis to Best Friends Again

My Husband My Best Friend

What I Learned from Becoming a Surrendered Wife

By Angie Kjellberg

In the spring of 2001 my marriage was in a very bad place.

We’d just had the worst fight of our six-year marriage and my husband took our son and left, saying he could provide a better life for him. I collapsed onto the kitchen floor sobbing.

We were lucky that my parents helped us have an intervention that night, and we both committed to trying again.

I came across The Surrendered Wife online after typing “Husband and Wife Games” in the browser.

I was looking for something to help us connect better. I read the free chapter and recognized my controlling mother instantly (sorry, mom), printed the free chapter and gave it to her the first chance I could.

Meanwhile, the subtitle of the book, “A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with a Man” did resonate with me. I wanted that!

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My Lazy Husband Became My Selfless Hero

The Power of Gratitude

How I Improved My Marriage All By Myself

By Courtney Elder, Laura Doyle Certified Coach

A Smile a Day Kept Divorce Away

Have you ever met someone who just radiates positivity? Someone so happy and wonderful it makes you cringe?

That wasn’t me.

If you had known me BCE (Before Coaching Era), you’d know that I always had a complaint.

From the house not being clean enough to the kids being too loud, anything that happened in my life always had a negative spin.

My husband, on the other hand, is the eternal optimist. So whenever I had a complaint, it really rubbed him the wrong way.

Sometimes my issue would be about something general, but often it was about him or something he had done. He could never measure up to the idealistic image I had for how he should act.

For instance, it seemed like common sense that because my husband stayed home with our kids and I was out working, it was his job to maintain the house. For me, that included keeping it very clean every single day, having dinner on the table when I got home, and listening to all of my complaints about work.

Honestly, it’s pretty embarrassing to admit that’s how I felt, but years ago, I really did think those things were his job!

Do you think I had an intimate marriage? I sure didn’t. I was constantly unhappy, and he felt berated because he never measured up.

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Passionate and Playful in 2017

Save Your Marriage

Passionate and Playful in 2017

How to Finally Get Your New Year’s Resolution to Stick

If you’re anything like I was, this isn’t the first year you’ve resolved to improve your relationship.

I said it year after year because I was so stuck and didn’t know what to do to get my husband to pay attention to me, be more affectionate and be more responsible.

But 2017 can really be different. And I don’t mean because you’re going to try harder.

That never works. I’m tired just thinking about trying harder.

And going to counseling won’t make 2017 any better than 2016 has been. Most couples who get traditional marriage counseling end up separated within a year.

It won’t be because you decide to be more giving and supportive to your man. I know you hear that everywhere, but trust me that’s not the road you want to go down this year.

Not if you want your relationship to be amazing. And who doesn’t want that?

Here’s what will make your relationship vibrant and shiny in 2017.

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The 5 Best Date Movies That Will Save Your Relationship

Best Date Movies

The 5 Best Date Movies That Will Save Your Relationship

Science Shows RomComs Are Better for Relationships than Couples Therapy

Watching a movie may not seem like an effective way to improve your relationship, but it is.

If you’re lacking inspiration, motivation or hope right now, watching a film is not a bad way to get started with restoring playfulness and connection.

I know it sounds like I’m making this up, but researchers at University of Rochester are standing by me on this one.

They found that discussing 5 movies about relationships over a month helped newlyweds in the first 3 years of marriage cut the divorce rate by more than half, from 24% to 11%.

They even found it was more effective than therapist-led methods at keeping couples matrimonially minded. So this is better than counseling. Way better!

Plus it’s fun.

Therefore you have permission to plant yourself on the couch with snacks and the remote.

If anybody gives you grief about this, tell that person you’re doing it for the good of your relationship.

Tell ‘em I said to.

The researchers at Rochester and I have your back.

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My Husband Lies to Me

My Husband Lies to Me

My Husband Lies to Me

How to End the Deception and Have an Honest Relationship

If you’ve ever caught your husband lying about where he was, who he was with or what he was doing, you know how much it stings.

If the lies were to cover up his drinking or smoking or who he was with, it can shake you to your core.

After all, how much worse can it get than him lying to his wife? What else is he lying about?

Isn’t honesty a basic requirement of a marriage?

Your friends and family will likely add fuel to the fire by assuring you that him lying to you is a serious problem.

But before you give him an ultimatum or stop trusting him completely, consider an approach that will preserve the connection between you first.

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